Adoption Day -95
Well, I think once we reach Adoption Day -100, I’ll stop using that as a header – except maybe for the yearly anniversary.
I think about Jessica and Erika and our adoption at some point of every hour of every day. Our house seems quiet and empty, which reminds me of the girls. When we sit at the smaller table with fewer chairs, I am reminded of Jessica and Erika – just by their absence. When we get into the van and there are only four of us, it reminds me of Jessica and Erika. At church I am reminded of them when our family takes up just four chairs instead of six. I still pray many times every day that God will give us (me, really) a miracle and put the girls back into our (my) lives and family, that we (I) can ‘officially’ adopt them and our family will be as it should have been. I wonder where they are now and if it’s a permanent home for them. I wonder if Jessica is playing soccer and if Erika has other sisters to play dolls with. I remember Brenda and me telling them when they came home with us on December 20th, 2008 that this would be their last move and that they would be our daughters forever – that they would never be moved around again. I remember the gift certificates I gave them for Christmas that entitled them a date with dad every month of the year. I am ashamed of our failure to keep our word to Jessica and Erika.
Often, I think of the future that we (I) won’t have with them. There won’t be any good times or bad times to go through with them. There will not be any weddings, grandchildren, family gatherings, gifts to buy for their family members as they raise their own children. No teaching them to drive, no family trips with them, no time out on the lake fishing. We won’t be learning about them, their past lives and struggles they’ve gone through. We won’t learn any more of their quirks and things they like or dislike. God, please give us (me) a miracle and bring them back to us (me)!
