rogerhanson.com

It’s been a tragic week. We lost our daughters. Actually, I lost my daughters would be more accurate since Brenda didn’t see them as daughters yet. Due to circumstance I won’t mention here now, the adoption agency removed the girls from our home.

I am devastated! It’s been a really terrible week. It’s not the end of the world, but I can see it just in the distance.

I am angry – at a few people and also at God for making or allowing this to happen.

Even though Jessica and Erika are not living with us any more, I still see them as my daughters. Now, I just have to trust that God is taking care of our daughters (His and mine) and He is a better father than I could have been.  I will continue to pray for the girls every day of my life. I’ve cried so much the last couple days and will continue to do so.

In addition to grieving the loss of my daughters, I will have to work on marriage and family issues. Brenda is one of the people I am angry at – something I need to get over because this isn’t all her fault.  I wish God would show me the good in this situation…..

Please pray for our family to mend relationships…..and please pray that Jessica and Erika end up in a loving Christian home that will love them as much as I do (and always will). Pray that God follows them wherever they go and that they continue to seek Him as a steady rock in any storms of life they have to endure.

Today, I went to see my mom and dad to talk. I listened to a CD on the way that had some hymns that really helped me. I also felt God was reminding me about Abraham and God telling him to sacrifice his only son – what that must have been like for Abraham – and that is like what I was asked to do. I am not Abraham. The people giving their opinions into our situation were not God. Yet, could God have allowed this to happen anyway? What does God make happen and what does He allow to happen? These are questions I’m struggling with now. I am hoping that God will restore my daughters to me in some miraculous way in the future.

Well, it’s coming up on our first month with Jessica and Erika at home. Our house is a bit more hectic, but not too much more. We do more laundry, go through more food and toothpaste and Brenda and I have raised our voices at each other sometimes. OK, how is this for being politically correct? ….It could be better and it could be worse. That’s all I can say right now.

Brenda’s uncle died suddenly, a few days ago. Since his name was also Roger, we joked about who was the ‘good’ Roger and who was the ‘bad’ Roger. It just depended on which one you were talking to at the time. He just had a birthday party last Saturday and got the flu just after that. He went into the hospital and then was gone soon afterward. He will be missed by many people. Brenda’s dad is coming in from Montana tomorrow for the funeral.

I’m back to work on my normal (not-so-normal) schedule. Work is steady and there haven’t been any layoffs in our department. We have been understaffed for a long time, but recently they added some part-timers and we’re really doing OK now. Soon it will be review/raise/bonus time, but they usually wait until the last minute to say anything about them.

I’m closing my computer/consulting business the end of February. I’ve had 2 businesses for a number of years (Good News Computers started in 1996 and Makarios Communications started in 2000, I think) but most people probably didn’t know about it. I guess that’s why I’m shutting down. Since I haven’t been making any money at it, it’s time to close the doors and save the money for our new, larger family. It will take a little while for all the customers to move off the web server, though my brother did move his website the day after I announced I was closing the business.

It’s been COLD outside. Right now, it’s -20 F with wind chills between -25 and -50 F. We’ve been in a cold snap for some time but we’re supposed to be above zero very soon. Have you noticed that cars ride different when the temperature gets that cold?

Things don’t often go the way we plan. Or, should I say that we never know what to expect when God is involved. That is very good, because we’d really mess things up. Hopefully God is involved in most everything we do! God sees the end from the beginning. We see only the immediate and try to make our plans based on that, along with our own vain imaginations and expectations. I (and maybe most of us) need to remember that it’s not about me. We are not here on earth for ourselves, but for others. The plans we have for our own life do not compare to the plans that God has for us.

It’s already been 2 weeks since Jessica and Erika have come to live with us!!! Since we’ve been in Christmas and New Year mode, it’s been more like a constant party than real life. Next week will be a big change when all the kids get back to school. Since Jessica and Erika were in public school this year it will be a really big change for them being homeschooled, (but they were homeschooled their first year in the USA). Yesterday, I was talking to Jessica about switching back from public to homeschooling and she said she’d like to start school right away. That may just be to get her mind off what just happened to them.

So far, things are going along pretty well in our adoption. The girls said they like living with us and there haven’t been any huge issues yet, though we know there’s always the probability for a rough road ahead. It appears that the girls have been able to adjust to a lot of changes. They used to go to a large church downtown, but we go to a small home church. They came from a larger family, while I think to their benefit we have a smaller family. They have new people in their life that they have to call family and friends, though everyone has welcome the girls as family and friends.

Yesterday, Holly, Mitch and Erika started play practice. The play will be put on by kids in one of the homeschool groups that we are in. A daughter of some friends of ours is directing it (her second production). Since we know Jessica and Erika’s previous family pretty well, and have some mutual acquaintances, I suppose it can be uncomfortable for the girls when they see people they knew from their previous family – which is happening at play practice. Soccer starts next week for Jessica so she won’t be able to be in the play.

For me, the unexpected thing that has happened is Brenda and I having disagreements on how our adoption path or direction should go. We agree on most things – I’d say 90% or so. It’s just that last 10% that has kept us up until 2am many nights, discussing (arguing) in circles. I thought we’d have more issues directly related to the girls, but it’s actually been more about what each of us think is the best way to go about this whole adoption thing, now that it’s actually here.